Consider a common scenario: deciding whether to speak up during a meeting at work when you have an important idea that could be beneficial but might make someone else look less competent. Most people want their colleagues to respect them and see them as valuable contributors. Choosing to remain silent for the sake of maintaining harmony could mean compromising your sense of self-worth and honesty.
In this moment, the temptation is strong to seek external validation—approval from others, a desire to fit in or be liked. You might think about what your boss or coworkers will say if you voice your opinion. This can lead to internal conflicts between convenience and principle. Speaking up may lead to a tense discussion that could disrupt the meeting and potentially cause friction with colleagues. Staying silent might leave you feeling unfulfilled and undervalued.
Yet, choosing without external validation means deciding based on what is true for you, not seeking outside validation. In this case, it means evaluating whether your idea aligns with your values and goals. If speaking up helps you stay true to who you are and contributes positively to the project or team, then it’s worth doing, regardless of others’ reactions.
Another example can be seen in personal relationships. When choosing how to handle a conflict with a loved one, there is often a balance between maintaining peace and asserting your own needs and boundaries. External validation might come from avoiding an argument to keep the peace, but this could mean neglecting to address real issues that need resolution. By contrast, choosing without external validation means speaking your truth in a way that respects both parties involved. This can lead to healthier, more transparent communication over time.
In professional settings, the pressure to conform and seek approval from superiors or peers can be intense. When evaluating job offers, you might feel compelled to choose an option that aligns with common perceptions of success—such as a higher salary or a prestigious company name—even if it doesn’t fit your long-term career goals. Alternatively, you could consider what truly makes you happy and fulfilled, potentially leading to a more satisfying but less glamorous path.
Choosing without external validation also involves understanding the concept of truth in its broadest sense. Truth isn’t always about what others think or say; it’s about what is genuinely right for you, your values, and your goals. It requires a deep introspective process, where you examine your motivations and actions to ensure they align with who you want to be.
In the age of social media, the pressure to present an idealized version of oneself can be overwhelming. People often feel compelled to curate their online presence in ways that seek validation from likes, comments, and shares. This can lead to a false sense of self and neglect of personal growth. Choosing without external validation means sharing your authentic experiences and feelings, even if they don’t conform to societal expectations or norms.
In friendships, choosing without external validation means being honest about your needs and desires. Sometimes, it might mean ending a friendship that no longer serves you, despite the potential social ramifications. This can be difficult but necessary for maintaining integrity and authenticity in your relationships.
Choosing without external validation doesn’t mean ignoring others’ opinions or feelings entirely. It involves respectfully considering their perspectives while staying true to your own. If a friend is upset over something you did, discussing it openly and honestly can help resolve the issue rather than avoiding the conflict altogether.
Making choices based on internal validation requires a commitment to self-reflection, honesty, and integrity. It means recognizing that your well-being and happiness are more important than external approval or validation. By choosing without seeking external validation, you create a life rooted in authenticity and personal fulfillment, even if it means going against the grain at times. This practice challenges us to question societal norms and expectations, fostering a deeper sense of self-awareness and resilience in the face of adversity.
Related Reading
– John Stuart Mill – Utilitarianism
– Seneca – On the Shortness of Life
Be First to Comment